i leave this to god..

will i ever hve the power to control someone? is it fair enough? thou we r just friends rite now,but i dont know y i get jealous whenever that fella were so friendly with other chicks. yeah, this is my biggest fear. i'm so afraid to fall in love because of this. i don't wanna be a controller in someone's life. y is it so hard for me to trust my boy? why why why? i can't have him fully. he's not mine yet. we r still not bounded by a legal relationship. seriously, i hate this feelin.

thou i said so many times that i don't wanna be in love with anyone rite now,but deep inside my heart,i wanna b someone's lover. i want to! its like this,one body with two souls,two persons controllin' a body. one part of me,wanted so much to fall in love again. another one,"nadia.. love is a bullshit! u will never get a true love.. all u will gain is PAIN cz guys shudnt be trusted." so, whenever this thought came into my mind,straight away i pull myself back from fallin' in love with any man. only god know hows it feels like..

yeah,its easy for other peps to say "u havent met the right one,all this while u were bump into jerks,who's takin advantage on u". y must this kind of guys treat me this way? is it because of my JEALOUSY? if u guys really love me like u always said,y can't u change me? change my mentality? n straight away change my jealousy disease. i realised one thing bout my previous exs,i had so much fun when we were friends,but when we further to the next level,we've changed ourselves totally. we r not like we used to be.

so from there,i knew,that no guys will understand me. will being able to change me. to a better person. i can't help myself on my own. n sometimes,i need guidance. but unfortunate for me,the RIGHT GUY for mw r not here yet. n i don't know who will it be. n when will he appears in my life. all i cn do now is just,wait. n keep on waitin. cz its impossible for me to search my right guy. i just wish the right guy for me doesnt appears now,cz seriously,i m so not into this serious relationship stuff yet.

i just wanna be alone.. i don't mind to be called a lonely girl. because when i were two,i feel alone s well.. so what's the diff? i'm lookin forward to a bright life,with a great fortune,n yeah,with the one who loves me for who i m. :)